Spies
by CodeVassie
Summary: Gilbert's life is normal. He has friends, a brother, a college degree and steady job. When Gilbert receives a mysterious message in regards to an intriguing new job opportunity, he accepts readily, enthralled by the possibility of truly putting his genius to good work. But there are shadows in the corners and eyes everywhere. How much danger has Gilbert gotten himself into?[HIATUS]
1. Chapter 1

**_Happy Birthday, Sand! ! ! I hope you have a fantastic day and I'll update the next chapter soon! :D_**

 ** _The title of this story was inspired by the song "Spies" by Coldplay._**

 ** _This fic deals with Schizoaffective Disorder. I will add in additional warnings if the need arises. Thanks!_**

 ** _Oh, and, in regards to the years you see, they are Gilbert's age._**

* * *

December. 22 years.

"Heya Matt. What's kicking today?" The voice was loud and energetic. Matthew noted how Gilbert's wine-colored eyes seemed to gleam in his glee and began to grin himself. The man's euphoria always seemed so contagious to the Canadian.

"Just studying. You know how it is." Matthew replied, making a point to flip a page in his textbook to show that he was indeed very busy and definitely not looking for a way out of responsibility.

"You're telling me. You're always in this damn library! Why don't you go out sometime? Have a freaking life, my friend?" Gilbert suggested as he flopped down into the wooden chair across from Matthew's. He kicked his feet up on the table and Matthew quickly shoo'ed them off. He was used to this type of behavior from his friend, but, no matter how hard he tried, he could not break Gilbert of the habit.

"Gil, you're going to get us kicked out of here one of these days if you keep doing that." Matthew warned, frowning. Gilbert shot him his trademark wicked smile that he knew Matthew couldn't resist. Matthew once again felt a grin tugging at his lips before he could think to hide it. Once he had, he immediately did just that, wiping his face clean of emotion and turning back to the reading he had to do for class.

"Aw, come on!" Gilbert exclaimed, no doubt drawing attention from all sides of the library to them, "I told all my friends that I would introduce you one of these days. Their gonna start thinking I made you up if I can't drag you there soon."

Matthew wasn't listening though. Instead he was looking around the area they sat at, scouting with his eyes to see if Gilbert's loud mouth had drawn anyone over. This particular building was usually pretty vacant, even on its busiest days, but the last thing Matthew needed right then was a librarian to come shush them. Even when he saw that the coast was clear, Matthew still felt pretty on edge.

"Look, Gilbert. I gotta go. I told Alfred I'd help him study for his Econ final and he's probably expecting me now." Matthew stood and gathered his textbook and papers, placing them one by one into his backpack. He was in a rush but he definitely wouldn't throw and shove it all into his bag like Gilbert or his brother. There were some things in life that were worth the wait.

Gilbert, though, took this as an opportunity to whine. "But Mattie, you never have time to hang out anymore! What am I to do with all this time I have between classes?" Gilbert was draping himself over the table dramatically, as if showing the utter boredom he was emitting. Matthew rolled his eyes.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe you should study like the rest of us. This _is_ college, you know. How are you even passing your classes?"

"I'm a genius, that's why. They don't call people 'prodigies' for nothing!"

Matthew slung his bag over his shoulder and gave Gilbert one last look, "Well, even so. Prodigies still need to study sometimes if they want to stay at the top of their class."

"Ugh, whatever." Gilbert dismissed the idea and lolled his head against the wood of the table, looking up to speak directly with Matthew who now stood above, "Tell Alfred I said hi. I never see him anymore either."

"Can do." Matthew smiled and turned away from his friend. As he walked away, fully aware that Gilbert was probably still lying at that table, moping about, he made a mental note to himself to tell Alfred that they should spend more time with the guy.

Heavens knew Gilbert needed it.

-/-

"Bruder, have you eaten today?"

It was the same words Gilbert heard practically everyday. _Have you eaten, Gilbert? How much sleep did you get last night? Are you studying? Are you making sure to relax?_

Gilbert was tired of hearing it all, but every time he did so he couldn't help the little pang in his chest at having let someone down. No, he hadn't been eating. No, he hadn't been sleeping. He had been too wound up lately to focus on any of that. Instead, for the past eighteen hours he had been studying nonstop. He didn't feel like the same person he had been when he had talked to Matthew yesterday. He didn't feel invincible or like a genius. All he felt was the crushing weight of imminent failure creeping into his life and how he would never be able to stop it.

"Sorry, West. I must have forgotten." Gilbert sighed in defeat, tearing his gaze away from the blurring words of his textbook. His brother was standing to his left, arms crossed and eyes narrowed determinedly. Ludwig was known by the student body of the university for being emotionless, but Gilbert had grown up with the boy and could tell when he was worried.

Gilbert immediately felt guilty for making his brother worry. Again.

"You forget a lot these days, don't you?" Ludwig asked. His voice made it sound like he was irritated by his brother's antics when in actuality he was nothing but concerned. Gilbert chewed at his lip.

"Yeah, I guess. No worries though, little bruder. It's just finals." Gilbert tried for a smile, but he couldn't even convince himself to hold it in place.

Ludwig turned away, a frown gracing his lips. "Do not overexert yourself, Gilbert. You can take the book with you to the commons if you really need to."

Gilbert nodded his head and shut the book. He followed Ludwig out of the dorm room and through campus to the commons area. As they walked, Gilbert hugged his textbook close to his chest and watched his brother, who kept his eyes forward as if he were leading an army squadron. Gilbert thought he made a less than acceptable squadron if that's what this made him being the one trailing after Ludwig.

"They're serving pancakes and sausage this morning." Ludwig informed him as they scanned their meal cards through. Gilbert nodded.

"I wonder if Matthew already got breakfast. Pancakes are his favorite." He said as he accepted a tray from his brother. The thought of Matthew only seemed to dampen Gilbert's mood though. Not even his best friend wanted to spend time with him. Of course, Matthew had been right in saying that Gilbert should study more and Gilbert had been up all night because of it, but now all he could think about were the dwindling times that Gilbert had been spending with the Canadian recently. Perhaps he needed to make more time for his friend.

When Gilbert and Ludwig took their seats, Ludwig ate in silence, glancing up every once in awhile to watch as Gilbert poked and prodded at his food. He would occasionally gaze out the window as if lost in thought then turn back again and fiddle with the pages of his textbook. Ludwig could tell his brother was not focused on study at all at the moment, nor on eating.

"Did something happen, Gilbert?" Ludwig asked awkwardly. He had never been very good at talking about feelings and all that crap with people, but it seemed it was just the sort of conversation that would be expected at a time like this. Ludwig shifted a little and steadied his gaze on Gilbert who lifted his own eyes from his food.

"No. Why?" Gilbert responded, scrunching his eyebrows in confusion. Ludwig sighed. This would not be easy.

"You are acting different. You keep looking out the window and you haven't eaten a bite of your food."

Gilbert looked down in surprise, as if just noticing himself that the pancakes had gone cold. "Oh."

Ludwig's eyebrows rose at the short response. He waited for Gilbert to say more but was greeted only by silence. He sighed again. "Gilbert?"

Gilbert's eyes shot up. "Oh… uh yeah." He laughed weakly. "I'm alright, Ludwig. Just a little stressed about finals, like I said."

Ludwig waited for a beat to see if his brother would say anymore, but, after waiting for what seemed an eternity, he decided to give it a rest. "Okay then." He grumbled and went back to his own food.

Ludwig didn't comment when they left the commons and Gilbert still hadn't touched his food.

-/-

"Gilbert is passing up beer for studying? My God, I never thought I'd see the day." Elizabeta said in disbelief at Ludwig's news. She would have called bullshit on it if it had come from anyone else. Since Ludwig had said it though, she knew it must have been true. One couldn't help but take the younger Beilschmidt brother seriously, even with a brother like Gilbert or a giggly Italian hanging from his shoulder.

Speaking of one giggly Italian, "Luddy, those parties never have any good alcohol. Can't we bring some nice wine so I don't have to drink that icky beer again?" Feliciano whined and the blonde he was hanging from rolled his eyes. Eliza could tell immediately that Ludwig would cave.

"Yeah, we'll stop by a liquor store on the way." The smallest of smiles threatened Ludwig's demeanor.

Elizabeta turned away from the two to her own date. Roderich looked all too uncomfortable with the fact that he was about to attend a frat party, something he had never done before and surely never would have if Elizabeta hadn't roped him into it. Sure they weren't dating in the literal sense, but if having arm candy like that could increase Elizabeta's chances of getting lucky that night, then why wouldn't she drag her friend into this world of new experiences? Life was all about experience anyway.

"Come on, Roddy. Let's go on ahead. I'm sure the lovebirds have other things in mind for before the party other than just picking up some wine." Elizabeta said as she grabbed the arm of the stuffy Austrian. She threw a knowing look over her shoulder and saw a severe blush creeping up Ludwig's collars as she walked away. She almost laughed. Ludwig could get embarrassed so easily.

Elizabeta didn't think much about Gilbert's absence that night. It was just one night after all, no matter how shocking it was that Gilbert could think of anything past his next beer.

Who was to know that this one night without the loud and arrogant man was only the beginning?

-/-

"Finals are _finally_ over!" A loud voice said into the night without regard to any in the suburban town that might have been asleep. It was only eleven in the evening, but already there were plenty of lights out on the road lit only by intervals of streetlamps.

"Alfred, keep it down. You're almost as bad as Gilbert!" Matthew hissed, smacking his brother's shoulder and receiving a hearty laugh in return.

"Hear that Gilbert? Sounds like I've got some work to do if I'm gonna beat you at being the loudest. It's one of the things I pride myself on, you know, so don't think you'll keep the title for long!" Alfred exclaimed, once again too loud for comfort. Matthew pushed him again, this time with more force causing the blonde to stumble. Alfred grinned and pushed back, resulting in a short war between the two.

All the while, Gilbert merely followed behind. He listened to the two without really listening. He watched the only night above them in disinterest and it wasn't long before Matthew noticed Gilbert's mood. He stopped and watched the man whose white hair practically glowed in the night and, when Alfred hadn't noticed the reason he'd stopped and pushed him again, Matthew hissed at him some words that Gilbert didn't quite catch and made Alfred stop and look between the two. He calmed down then like he now understood.

"Hey, Gilbert." Matthew said, approaching said man who had stopped on the road. Gilbert snapped back to it and responded.

"Hmm?"

"You're awfully quiet. Something the matter?" Matthew asked. Alfred stood in the background, a look of genuine concern on his face.

Hearing this only seemed to irritate Gilbert. "Man, why does everyone keep asking me that?" Gilbert huffed and turned away, folding his arms into himself.

Matthew seemed surprised at this response and stopped to look back at his brother. Alfred stepped forward.

"Sorry man, we didn't mean to pry. It's just that, finals are over. Let's celebrate!" Alfred encouraged, careful not to come on too strong like his brother often told him he did.

"What's to celebrate?" Gilbert asked, "I probably failed anyway."

Alfred and Matthew exchanged a look.

"We tried our best. That's one thing." Matthew contributed helpfully.

"And we sure as hell worked our butts off." Alfred said.

Gilbert only shook his head and kicked a pebble on the ground rather forcefully. "It's hopeless. I'm never gonna graduate." Gilbert mumbled.

"Why do you say that, Gilbert? You're on track, aren't you?" Matthew asked. Gilbert responded with a shrug.

Matthew pursed his lips. It dawned on him that Gilbert's sadness was just as contagious as his happiness. His darkness was as compelling as his light. Matthew had never thought about how tied their emotions were together, but, now that he thought of it, it made sense that they would share many of their emotions.

Matthew couldn't let Gilbert's darkness take him too though. Matthew had to be there to help Gilbert. Both him and Alfred had to be there for Gilbert.

"Let's go somewhere, Gilbert. I know a place where we can watch the stars." Matthew suggested.

Gilbert looked up. His wine-colored eyes didn't hold the same spark that Matthew was always drawn to. Instead, he could feel himself falling in their endless color like an abyss. Then, Gilbert's short nod shook Matthew from those thoughts and he looked away.

"Awesome!" Alfred jumped into action, as if spurred by the possibility of something to do. "It's that field off Cherry Street, right Mattie? I know the one, so I'll lead the way!"

A loud laugh filled the air and both Matthew and Alfred turned towards it in surprise. Gilbert was smiling.

"That's _my_ word, American Idiot." Gilbert said with his usual wicked glee, "And, because it is my word, the awesome me shall do the leading!"

Alfred didn't seemed phased at all by the odd mood shift and continued to ramble along with Gilbert in their normal way, "No way, man. You don't even know where to go!"

"My awesomeness will lead the way!" Gilbert cackled, pushing in front of Alfred in order to be the leader of their party. All the while Matthew just watched their shenanigans with an odd fixation, confused at how quickly Gilbert seemed to move on from his low mood.

With a frown, Matthew walked forward, moving to follow the two to the lone field where they could watch the stars.

-/-

May. 23 years.

"So, college graduate, how does it feel?" Matthew asked, grinning ear to ear as he stole the cap from Gilbert's white hair and spinning it between his fingers by its two corners. Gilbert was no longer in his gown but he had insisted on keeping the cap on for some reason. He went to grab for the stolen item only for Matthew to hold it out of reach. "Both hands on the wheel, Gilbert!" Matthew shrieked, not able to keep himself from laughing even as their lives could have possibly been in danger.

"Mattheeeew! Give it baaaack!" Gilbert whined as he placed the hand back on the wheel reluctantly. Matthew couldn't stop laughing though as Gilbert pouted. The sight was actually really cute on the man.

"I wanna see it first, Gil. I'll give it back after." Matthew explained as he held the cap out to examine it. It was an ordinary black since their university didn't allow students to decorate their caps, but, being as it had belonged to Gilbert these past few weeks, it had a character of its own like everything of Gilbert's.

Not many people would expect it of the brash "Prussian" as he so liked to call himself, but Gilbert was actually a very neat person who liked to take care of his things. The cap showed no signs of tear or fray other than the years of wear from being rented out over and over again by the university. Matthew could smell it from where he held it away from his body - it's aroma of sweat and Febreze, like old gym clothes, but much less smelly. The only part of the hat that was truly Gilbert's was the yellow and purple tassel that hung from it that Matthew had been wanting to play with since he first saw it dangling from Gilbert's head. The tassel was very new, but Matthew could tell Gilbert had taken great care to preserve it.

Matthew smiled down at the little keepsake. He hadn't even realized Gilbert had been speaking until the other hit him lightly on the shoulder without turning his focus from the road.

"Huh? What?" Matthew asked, looking up.

"I was just asking," Gilbert continued, "Are you sure you can't make it to the graduation party? A lot of my friends will be there and it's nothing too big. Just some drinks at the bar."

Matthew's smile almost slipped from his lips, but he caught himself. He laughed half-heartedly. "Sorry, Gil. I told you; our parents booked a flight for tonight and we can't miss it. I'm sorry it's such terrible timing, but I guess that's my parents for you."

Gilbert shrugged. Matthew was sure he had expected this. He wondered if he had caught onto Matthew's excuses and didn't question them anymore or had just accepted this particular excuse.

"Alright. But you have time for the field, right? For old times' sake?" Gilbert's eyes remained forward, making it hard for Matthew to figure out what was in them.

He swallowed thickly and answered lightly, "Old time's sake? We didn't start going to this field since last finals. Besides, you make us sound so old, Gilbert. I'll have you know that _I_ still have a year of this stressful college life to look forward to."

"Oh, how could I forget? Oh yeah, 'cause now that I'm a free bird I don't want to ever think about the long gruelling years in this hell hole again." Gilbert laughed and Matthew folded his arms in mock scorn.

"Hey, but these 'long gruelling years' happen to be the ones where you met _me_." Matthew pointed out.

"All the more reason to want to forget them!" Gilbert teased and Matthew smacked his arm. "Okay, okay. You know I don't mean it. I wouldn't forget these years if someone paid me to."

"Really?" Matthew asked, "Even with all the student debt?"

"Hmm… you bring up a good point…"

"Here. You can accept payment to forget your freshman year. That's before I knew you anyway." Matthew compromised.

Gilbert smiled. Even with his eyes still forward, Matthew could see the spark in them.

Matthew leaned over and placed the cap back on Gilbert's head, threading his fingers through the tassel to untangle it. When he settled back in his own seat, he couldn't help but watch the proud smirk Gilbert wore as he continued to drive them to their field.

-/-

"Is Gilbert going to show up?" Feliciano whispered to Ludwig who was still watching the door for his brother. He turned to the Italian that sat on his right at the bar, prying his eyes from where they had been glued for at least five minutes straight. The constant worry that rested in his heart for his brother was plain to his boyfriend, perhaps the only person other than Gilbert who could read Ludwig.

"He said he would come." Was Ludwig's automatic response, but they both knew that these words meant nothing. Over the previous months, Gilbert had been hard to keep to his promises of social interaction. It wasn't odd for Gilbert to back out of things at the last minute if he thought they would bore him, but when it involved beer, one could be sure he would be in attendance.

This past semester, though, had been very different. His brother seemed oddly different. One day he would be his normal arrogant, loud-mouthed self, confident and reckless. The next day Gilbert would be fatigued and anxious. He would study for hours on end without break. He would refuse to see anyone for days and skip classes constantly.

Even today, the day of graduation, Ludwig couldn't be sure if his brother would be bothered to show.

"Someone order me a beer yet?" A hand clamped down on Ludwig's shoulder and a familiar voice rang in his ear. He nearly sighed in relief when he heard his brother not only present, but seemingly in a good mood.

"Gilbert," Ludwig took on his normal tone which had been said to be the 'scolding nun' voice, "We said to meet here at nine."

"It's a party, West. Just call it fashionably late." Gilbert responded as he waved over the bartender and ordered his normal beer.

Ludwig huffed in annoyance. In reality, he was actually relieved to see his brother, but Feliciano had told him that when he showed different emotions he often resulted in masking them in his "tough guy exterior." Ludwig hadn't had anything to say to that.

"It is not 'fashionably late' when you are an hour late." Ludwig argued, quite unamused.

"Come on. Cut me some slack; I was hanging out with Matthew. He and Alfred go home tonight." Gilbert accepted his beer over the counter and greedily drank the contents of the glass.

Once again, relief washed over Ludwig. His brother had been with Matthew. That was good. He had been with someone and not off alone isolating himself again.

"Congrats on graduating, Gilbert!" Feliciano spoke up, jumping from his barstool to give Gilbert a hug. Gilbert laughed and smiled good-naturedly as he accepted the embrace, making sure to balance his beer so that its contents wouldn't slosh over. Beer was precious and even in his darkest of moments, Gilbert wouldn't have dreamed wasting it.

"Thanks, Feli! I expect you two to be good now that I won't be here next year." Gilbert waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Ludwig took on a horrified look. Feliciano remained unphased.

"So what's life after school like? Have anything planned?" Feliciano carried on the conversation and Gilbert shrugged.

"Guess I'll have to look into the job field. Computer programming is a pretty expansive path in this day and age, so I don't think I'll have too much trouble finding something." Gilbert replied, sipping from his drink.

"That is so cool! I mean, that's like learning another language, right? I wish I could do something cool like that." The Italian spoke excitedly, brown eyes wide.

"Well, yeah. But don't you speak Italian?"

"Oh my gosh, I _do_!" Feliciano said, as if just realizing this himself, "And English too! And, if I try hard enough, I can figure some stuff out in Spanish, though it hurts my head."

"There you go then. It's just like that, except this one deals a little bit more in math and logic instead of all that translation and conjugation crap."

"Woah." Feliciano said, sounding utterly fascinated, "You must be some kind of genius!"

"Don't encourage him-" Ludwig began to butt in, only to be intercepted by Gilbert's enthusiastic response.

"Why I am. Thank you for noticing. Y'know, I could hack into the government's high security database all on my own at the age of seventeen?"

"Really?" Feliciano asked, eyes alight.

"No, not really." Ludwig frowned at his brother. Always the show off. Did he really have to fool his boyfriend for the sake of inflating his own ego?

"No, I'm serious!" Gilbert argued, "I wasn't even caught!" He said proudly.

Ludwig rolled his eyes and was relieved when Elizabeta came strolling up.

"Fuck, Gilbert, about time you got here! Come on, we're doing shots. Every time Lovino calls Antonio a bastard we take a shot." Elizabeta looped her arm through Gilbert's and started to lead him away. Ludwig outwardly sighed as he watched them walk away. It was funny how just as quickly he had wanted Gilbert there, the feeling had been dashed by his brother's actual presence.

Ludwig turned back to Feliciano, hearing faintly behind him when Gilbert spoke to Elizabeta in his usual loud register.

"We gotta double shot every time Antonio calls Lovino a tomato!"

Ludwig shook his head and smirked down at the counter below him. Feliciano wrapped his arms around him and Ludwig could honestly now say that he was having a good time.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Next chapter! Hope you enjoy!**_

* * *

June. 24 years.

Gilbert worked with a renewed energy the next few months. His work had meaning again. He wasn't merely creating and recreating programs over and over again for some nameless corporation. He was using his skills for something useful. Gilbert was doing something worthy of his coding prowess and it felt good.

It was thrilling in a sense, as well. What he was doing was illegal, after all, and quite dangerous. At every turn he thought he would bump into some firewall that would fry his computer or encounter some person sent to deal with him. He was as paranoid as he had ever been, which was saying something because he had always been more or less on edge. On some days he couldn't handle it and he stayed in, thoughts of how useless and stupid he was encircling him. How could he do something so illegal? He was putting himself - everyone he knew and loved - in danger! What sort of person did that? What if he messed up? Of course he would mess up… he always messed up in the end…

Then his spark would be back. He would have more energy to spare for five days straight than a normal person would have on a single. He would down coffee, energy drinks, those disgusting Five Hour Energies, just so he could stay up to solve his newest puzzle. He was exhilarated to be able to do something worthwhile, something thrilling and dangerous and challenging.

Everything was better now. In return for these highs though, the lows were worse. To match the light he was granted, the darkness that plagued him grew longer, darker.

He became jittery and stressed. Everywhere he went his head would be on a constant pivot. He rarely talked to anyone he knew anymore. He even avoided Matthew's calls who had been the one person Gilbert had been able to rely on when he began avoiding people in college. Gilbert locked his computer with the highest firewalls and blocks he could program, and always got to the office first and left last to ensure no one snuck into his cubicle. The most important information he kept on a flash drive that he carried around everywhere.

"You're muttering to yourself again, Gilbert." Arthur's irritated eyes invaded Gilbert's workspace above one of the cubicle walls. Gilbert swiftly typed out a command to cover what he was working on. He barely kept up with actual work anymore, instead spending most of his time on the clandestine puzzles he received via email. He must have been muttering about the line he had been attempting to work out. This piece of information caused him to stare wide-eyed at the Brit who was peering at him skeptically. What did he now know?

Arthur looked at him warily. "Alright, Gilbert? You don't look so well."

"Of course." Gilbert barked out a forceful laugh as if to prove his point. If anything, it proved Arthur's.

Arthur watched in silence for a few long seconds. Gilbert counted silently with bated breath until Arthur conceded. "Alright then. Just keep it down here." Then the man disappeared and Gilbert could breath again.

The rest of that day went about just like any of the ones since February. Gilbert worked persistently on his puzzles. The rest of the office did the same. But Gilbert's were special. Gilbert's had purpose.

When the office was dark and everyone had gone, Gilbert finally put up his various locks for the computer and turned it off. He stuffed his flash drive his his pocket, close to his person for safekeeping, and picked up his bag that he kept his travel coffee mug and extra jacket in. He did a quick sweep of the office with his eyes and, once he had deemed it acceptably empty, moved out. Once he had reached the bottom floor via elevator Gilbert exited the building and proceeded to walk through the city to his bus stop.

Gilbert didn't expect what would happen next. He should have seen it coming, he had scolded himself later. He had been on edge for months.

The one damn time he let his guard down.

All he remembered was being shoved to the ground. He hit his head and was dizzy for too long before he realized whoever it was had been patting at his pockets quickly. Gilbert tried to shake away the fog in his mind so he could get a grasp on the situation. When he could finally think, the first thought that entered his mind as his mugger lifted their hands away from him, seeming satisfied with whatever they had retrieved, was: _They got the flash drive!_

Gilbert leaped up, or tried to. Whoever it had been was quickly taking off down the street and panic was quickly flooding Gilbert's brain. He immediately took off after the person, leaving his bag on the ground which the mugger had apparently not taken an interest in.

Of course they hadn't. They had been after the flash drive!

Gilbert was soon winded but he persisted in his chase until the man, which he could now see, had disappeared. Even then, though, Gilbert continued to run, desperate to find them - to get his precious data back.

Finally, Gilbert had to admit defeat, which he did with a scream that split the night. "No!" He screamed, kicking a wall, "No!No!Nonono!" He had his hands against the wall, resting his head between them. He knocked his forehead against it over and over. Tears were rolling down his face.

 _Nonono…_ this couldn't be happening. All of his work. What had been on that flash drive had been the most important bits of _all of those months_. Five months down the drain. He slid down the wall, shaking uncontrollably. "No…" he whispered. "Damn _it_ …" the whispers tore from his throat.

Then, a wild idea sprouted in his mind. An impossible, terrible terrible joke if it was true. If it was there…

Gilbert slowly stood up, flattening his jeans, then he reached into his right pocket. The tip of his finger hit it first and his heart dropped down to his toes. It couldn't have been. Why was it still there? It didn't make any sense…

But, sure enough, when Gilbert retracted the object from his pocket, there the flash drive was. He swallowed thickly, eyes on the metallic tip and the plastic covering.

If he still had the flash drive, then what had that person taken?

Gilbert patted around his pockets and found what it must have been, or a lack of it rather. His wallet. He was missing his wallet.

So that must have been a normal mugger, just after money and nothing else. They hadn't been after him because of the work he did. They hadn't wanted the flash drive and its valuable contents.

This information was too much for Gilbert and he leaned against the wall again. He sobbed openly, unable to hold back his relief and disbelief and fear.

Gilbert fell apart right there, alone and in shock.

-/-

August. 24 years.

Since the last incident, where Gilbert had almost lost his precious flash drive, he had been even more wary of his surroundings, if that was even possible. He trusted less and watched more. When Matthew called him up and asked if he wanted to meet that week since he was in town Gilbert had almost turned his best friend down.

Almost.

Matthew was still his friend. His closest friend. He hadn't seen him since his own birthday in January and he was growing quite lonely in his isolation. Matthew was bearable and he was trustworthy. That combined with the fact that Gilbert had gotten him to agree to meet with him at his apartment did the trick to convince him to see Matthew.

Now Matthew and him were seated at Gilbert's circular kitchen table. Matthew was nursing a cup of coffee while Gilbert had already taken up his drink, claiming "It's five somewhere."

Matthew had quirked an eyebrow at that but hadn't said a word of it.

"So…" Matthew started, somewhat awkwardly. The effects of being apart so long seemed to linger in the air. Some people could pick up right where they had left off, but this was not the case for Matthew and Gilbert, two who were highly prone to awkwardness in the first place - even when Gilbert usually hid this little part of himself behind a self-satisfied smirk and brash attitude. "How's work?"

Gilbert stiffened, but quickly relaxed. Matthew meant no harm. He knew that. He tried to cover it up with a shrug. "Work is work, ya know? How about you? You just graduated, right? Congrats."

"Yep. Now I just need to get my resume out there. Hopefully I can get a job at a good school, but since I just got out of school myself I'm not holding my breath. Teaching isn't like programming where there's a high demand for the job, eh?" Matthew gave a small smile and looked down at his mug.

"That sucks, man, but I know whoever gets you will be the lucky ones. You're good at what you do. I mean, you helped _me_ study plenty." Gilbert took a swig of the can he held.

"Thanks." There was a long gap of silence then and Matthew cleared his throat to pick back up the conversation. "So, how's Ludwig? He graduated too, right?"

"Yeah. The kid's smart. He's going to be the best engineer out there. He called me the other day, though we didn't talk for long. He's got a summer job at some retail store where he's working with Feli."

"They're still together?" Matthew smiled at the thought, "That's so sweet. I can't say I'm surprised. They seem to be made for each other."

"You're telling me." Gilbert responded and the conversation seemed to dwindle off again. Gilbert didn't mind the silence at all, but it seemed to make Matthew squirm a bit. He checked his phone a couple of times and looked about the room. Maybe he was looking for something to redirect the light chat they had going. Good luck with that. The apartment was as bare as Gilbert's pathetic cubicle. Gilbert didn't spend much time on interior decorating.

"So, meet anyone lately?" Matthew offered as means of conversation. With the persistence in which he revived their conversations, he should have been called Frankenstein.

Momentarily, Gilbert was confused by the question. Meet anyone? Who had he been supposed to meet? Had Matthew sent someone? For a brief moment, Gilbert thought Matthew had perhaps been referring to his emails or even the mugger not too long ago. It hadn't been long now, had it? What day was it, Saturday?

Then it dawned on Gilbert that Matthew had been talking about a potential _love life_. The notion was so absurd, Gilbert almost snorted.

"Uh, no." Gilbert replied plainly.

Matthew seemed to deflate as his attempt at discourse failed. Gilbert felt a pang of guilt at seeing his friend in this way. "How about you?" He offered.

Matthew looked back up. For a minute he seemed to forget his unhappiness and drew into his old shy demeanor. He shook his head, "Oh no. Not me."

Gilbert's eyebrows scrunched. "What do you mean 'not me'? It _sounds_ as if you are implying a lack of self worth to yourself, Mattie, but I _know_ that can't be true because, if it was, I wouldn't be able to leave you alone about it until you learned that Matthew Williams can find someone who likes him just as well as anyone." Gilbert gave him a knowing look, one that plainly stated that was exactly what he was talking about.

"That's oddly specific for a prospective, Gil." Matthew's features suggested an amused look.

"I've been dealing with you for awhile, my friend."

Matthew simply rolled his eyes. "I could say the same to you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gilbert acted in mock offense, but was actually curious what the statement could be implying.

Matthew gave him a soft look. "I mean that you're avoiding people again, aren't you?"

The air shifted just like that. Gilbert looked at Matthew with a serious expression. A tired smile crept onto his face. "How is it that you know me so well, Matt?"

"You didn't want to see me today, Gilbert. Anyone can see that. You say you talked to Ludwig, but I can tell it was for no longer than you had to. How long has it been since you talked to Elizabeta? Or Antonio? Or Francis?"

Gilbert scratched his head, feeling oddly like a deer in headlights. Well shit, he had been caught. "Wow, I guess I gotta give you props. Though I never really thought I could get away with anything with you around. I suppose that'll make you one heck of a teacher."

"Don't change the subject, Gil. I know people can suck at times, but we talked about this, remember? Isolating yourself won't make your problems go away."

"I can try." Gilbert grumbled.

"You _have_. Where has it gotten you?" Matthew asked skeptically. Gilbert was struck at that moment that perhaps Matthew really didn't know what was best for him. He didn't know what exactly it was that Gilbert was going through. No one did. How could Matthew know that isolating himself under these circumstances wasn't the best? How could Matthew know anything about Gilbert's situation?

"Here. Right here is where it's gotten me. I had been doing fine before you came crashing in here saying that I needed to stop. You don't know how it's been working for me, so why should I trust what you have to say? I'm actually doing well right now, Matthew! And I don't need anyone here for it."

Gilbert hadn't realized he had stood up until Matthew was looking up at him with wide violet eyes. Surprise danced in them and Gilbert was actually quite proud to see it there. He didn't need to be bossed around by Matthew and it was about time Matthew realized that!

When Matthew nodded in agreement it was Gilbert's turn to be surprised. "You're right." Matthew said, "I don't know how you've been these past months. Heck, I don't know how you've been in a year. We've barely talked since you graduated. I would really like to change that, but perhaps that's just me being selfish. If isolation is really working for you, who am I to judge?"

Matthew looked down at his hands, his mug of cooled coffee now pushed to the side, "But you'll tell me if something's wrong, won't you? Even when you've isolated yourself from everyone, you know you can still come to me? For _anything_."

Gilbert stared at his friend for a long while. He felt his lip as it began to quiver and, before he knew it, he had skirted around the table and taken Matthew into an embrace, practically shoving the man into his chest. Matthew wrapped his own arms around Gilbert in support as the man shook. Neither said anything. Matthew's words had already been spoken and Gilbert's didn't need to be vocalized, instead conveyed by his actions.

Gilbert could tell Matthew anything. He had always known that. Maybe he had forgotten it along the way, but he had always known Matthew would be there for him. He was possibly the only one who always would.

But this was one thing Gilbert couldn't - no, wouldn't - tell his friend. It would only put Matthew in danger. It was something he had to keep to himself. The burden he had to carry on his own.

So Gilbert buried his head against his friend's shoulder and buried his secret deeper down into himself. He would protect Matthew from this and maybe one day it wouldn't have to be a secret anymore.

Maybe one day they could truly be friends again.

-/-

Despite maintaining his constant avoidance of most people, Gilbert took Matthew's advice and called up his brother. If there was anyone Gilbert would have chosen to be close to again, it would be Ludwig. Gilbert had practically raised the guy anyway.

The call had gone pretty well actually. They had talked and it had been almost as awkward as the conversation between him and Matt. Over the phone, Gilbert couldn't decide if it was more or less uncomfortable when silences cropped up, but, luckily for him, the conversation didn't last as long as the one with Matthew had.

They had talked about different, mediocre type things. Talk of work had carried most of the conversation. Ludwig's carb-loaded diet from his boyfriend's insane addiction to pasta had been another and Gilbert's visit with Matthew. Gilbert hadn't gone into detail on that one, but he could tell Ludwig was relieved to hear that he had at least a little social interaction in his life.

The conversation had been pleasant and normal. Then, when Ludwig had been about to leave for dinner, he dropped the bombshell.

"I should probably tell you…" he had started off awkwardly, and Gilbert's concerned brother detector had gone into sensitive, "I proposed to Feliciano."

The world froze for only a millisecond before Gilbert burst into cheer. "Aw, you sly dog, I knew you couldn't stay a bachelor for long making googly eyes at that one. Wait, WEST, HOW COME YOU DIDN'T TELL ME SOONER? When's the wedding? Please tell me you didn't have it without me. I will personally drive over there right now if you got married without my blessing, and, no, I don't care if this isn't the eighteenth century! I'm at the wedding whether you like it or not, young man. No talk of eloping in this family; I don't care if you go to Vegas or whatever else it is that kids do nowadays to avoid family or whatever other Romeo and Juliet shit. Oh, and before you think too much about Romeo and Juliet, I bless this marriage, so no sleeping draughts or poisons for either of you. When do I get to meet the bride's family? Oh, so are _you_ the bride, Luddy? Yeah, I know you're both the grooms, but-"

The conversation had gone spectacular actually, now that Gilbert thought about it.

And so it was with a joyful air and a rather euphoric glee that Gilbert went to work the next day. He hummed as he exited the elevator, sealed coffee mug in hand and wrapped in a sweater odd for the heat outside but suitable for the always chilly office air. Gilbert made it to his desk, setting his drink down and dropping his bag on the floor, kicking it under his desk and out of the way. After rolling his chair out and dropping himself into it, Gilbert sat up straight and began typing in the various commands and passcodes to enter his computer. Once the computer was booted up and ready to go, Gilbert began his searching and decoding and hacking once again, this time with a new air about him. Instead of the intense determination he'd had before, now he had a steady persistence. It would last him longer, he decided, and help him to maintain a level head.

Gilbert even hummed as he worked, clicking away at the keyboard rhythmically like his fingers were performing the steps to some cheery dance. It was the sort of mood one would skip to and sing out of key. For some odd reason, Gilbert felt exhilarated since his call with Ludwig. Had it been the fact that he had learned such great news from him or merely that he had been able to talk to him again? Gilbert hadn't realized how lonely the past months had made him and now he was positively high on life.

Things couldn't have been going any smoother.

Which is exactly why his computer found it a splendid idea to turn his world upside down.

THIS PC MAY CONTAIN UP TO 126 VIRUSES. TO RUN A SCAN, PLEASE SHUTDOWN AND RESTART THE DEVICE NOW.

Gilbert's heart immediately halted in its tracks. His fingers twitched in their positions, splayed across the keyboard. His eyes drew wide as they reflected the bright message against his wine red irises.

Gilbert only remained motionless for a brief second before he launched into his own software checks of the PC. He ran his own scan, which checked files for corruption and programs for faulty. The extensive background check lasted all but three minutes.

Nothing was found.

Gilbert's heart filled slowly, like a rising flood, with dread. As the emotion drowned him, panic set in and he struggled to keep his breathing in check. It was hard to focus on breathing when one was being suffocated though.

Someone had gotten into the computer. It was the only answer. The message must have been a virus in disguise. A goddamned Trojan Horse! They were trying to find a more secure way in. They wanted him to _invite_ them in.

He had to think fast. He would have to do something about this quickly, lest he never shut down the PC again. Lest he put all of his precious research at risk. He drummed his fingers against the desk impatiently. He was sure Arthur could hear the aggravating noise from his cubicle, yet the man did not show his face to scold him to "Keep that racket down!"

Then, slowly, an idea began to crawl into Gilbert's brain. Arthur… he was always there. Always listening and watching and nagging. He'd heard Gilbert muttering to himself about his various hacking escapades and was always asking what he was doing. Arthur had always seemed so suspicious, how had Gilbert not seen it sooner?

Gilbert almost violently pushed his chair away from his desk, standing and pulling himself to the division between their two cubicles. When he looked down, he found Arthur's cubicle to be empty. How convenient for Arthur…

Gilbert clenched his fists and quickly locked his computer, avoiding shutting it down. He didn't have much time to deal with the problem right now and the quickest fix was a bus stop away and only a fifteen minute trip if he left now. Without grabbing a jacket or his bag, already having his (new) wallet in his back pocket, Gilbert scanned the sea of cubicles one last time for any sign of the thick-browed traitor. Upon finding that the man still was nowhere in sight, Gilbert quickly left for the elevator and out of the building. He wasn't phased in the least when it turned out to be pouring outside.

The droplets beaded on the tips of his hair and down his pale icy skin. He waited patiently at the bus stop until it arrived, the bus driver staring at him as if he had grown a second head as he boarded.

"Son, you better dry off or you're gonna get yourself some hypothermia."

Gilbert barely heard her though. He was counting the stops in his head until he arrived at the appliance and electrical store. By the time he returned to work with what he had set out to do, Gilbert was soaking, shivering, and coughing. He had the external hard drive with him though and, once he arrived back at his desk, he unlocked the computer, plugged in the appliance, and started loading the contents of months worth of data onto the device.

Once satisfied with his work, Gilbert safely ejected the device and stuffed it into his bag with the few other measly items he kept in there. He stood again, scanning the office and sat back down. His cubicle and its surroundings seemed safe from prying eyes for now. Arthur was still a no-show and no one else seemed to have noticed Gilbert's brief absence. Gilbert was much too jittery by then, though, to get any work done, be it his full-time job or the one only he and his employer knew of.

That was the second time he left the office that day and after that he did not come back. He would take a day off. If anyone asked he had been feeling unwell. When he got home he shut the door firmly behind him, locking it with just as many latches and chains as he had firewalls and locks on his computer. Next he checked the windows for their own latches and secured the curtains and blinds tightly around them. He checked the nooks and crannies in the apartment for any unwanted visitors or bugs. You never knew who was listening in.

At this time, Gilbert would normally give a huge sigh and collapse on his old worn sofa, perhaps turning on the TV and ordering takeout, but not today. Today Gilbert receded into a corner where a lone wooden chair was propped. He sat here with a full view of his apartment. He sat there with wide and alert eyes. He sat there for the rest of the day and even into the night. Before he knew it, the sun was rising again.

And he was once again at work.

And no one had even noticed his absence the previous day.

It should have been a relief - to know that his ditching hadn't been noted. Or perhaps it should have even disappointed him that no one had thought of him. Instead, it just made him all the more paranoid.

 _Why_ had no one noticed? _Why_ did nobody talk to him about being here in the morning but disappeared for the rest of the day?

Arthur was there today. Gilbert could hear the man sneeze every now and again as he typed away at his computer or curse under his breath at random times. He could hear the roll of his chair too. It went to and fro and to and fro and to… Gilbert wondered how the man could scorn _him_ for causing a ruckus when the Brit made so much more noise. Then Gilbert wondered how he had never heard the noises before.

He was on edge. He could hear a conversation across the office, the beep of the printer in the printer room across the floor. He heard phones ring and soft murmurs. He didn't dare move in fear that everyone would hear his own movements like he was now hearing all of theirs. He couldn't get any work done that day in fear of this and from the watchful eye he was keeping on the cubicle next to his own. Arthur was still at the top of his suspects list and he kept the man on a constant radar.

The day passed by uneventfully and, before Gilbert knew it, the building was dark and empty. A lone janitor passed by, picking up trash from the various bins scattered about and when she paused at his cubicle and saw once again that he was there after hours, she softly told him to go home.

Gilbert had nodded and gathered his things. The next thing he knew, he was in fact in his home, door locked, windows latches, curtains drawn, corners checked, and wooden chair occupied. He forgot to sleep again that night.

When it was time for work the next day, Gilbert didn't go. What was one more day? They hadn't noticed he was gone before, so why should they now? Besides, at this point he didn't really care if he was fired. Things were happening - things beyond the knowledge of his normal work employers understanding - and Gilbert had to be careful about everything he did.

A day turned into two. Two turned into four. Four turned into a week. The wooden chair was his constant friend. Cold cans of soup, crackers, refrigerated wurst, frozen waffles heated by the toaster. He no longer trusted takeout but he only had so much food in his house. He rationed it like he was in a war zone. He wasn't particularly hungry anyway. Nor was he tired, though he barely got any sleep over the course of that week. He would nod off in his cornered chair then snap back to consciousness with a panicked look in his eye. He would scour the apartment then, once satisfied no one had come in, go back to his spot and keep watch.

He received a few calls in which he ignored.

It was the eighth day of his seclusion when a knock sounded at his door. For a split second Gilbert had only looked at it as if it had become some alien species, then, slowly, he got up from his chair. The chair creaked beneath him but he ignored it as he cautiously approached the door.

When he looked through the peephole, he had no idea what to make of the sight before him.

"Alfred?" He asked through the door. The man on the other side looked momentarily surprised before he cracked a smile.

"Gilbert? I got the right apartment, didn't I?"

Gilbert's hands flew over the locks before he realized what he was doing. When he came to the last one, he paused, wondering how exactly Alfred had even gotten there. How did he know it was truly Alfred out there?

"Uh… whatcha doing here, Al? It's been awhile…" Gilbert interrogated his friend through the door. He was looking through the peephole again and saw as Alfred looked both ways down the hallway. He shifted uncomfortably.

"Can't we talk inside?" He mumbled, only loud enough that Gilbert could hear it through the wood between them. He noticed his friend was wearing a suit, quite out of character for him. When Gilbert stayed silent, Alfred spoke up again, making sense of his presence and attire. He leaned closer to the door. "It's about YW."

Gilbert immediately opened the door. He regarded his friend with narrowed eyes. "What do you know about that?"

Alfred glanced down the hall again. "Something important. Can I come in?"

Gilbert only paused a beat before he motioned for the man to come in quickly. When Alfred was standing in his living room, Gilbert glanced down the halls like Alfred had been doing before he closed and locked the door. He turned toward Alfred who was standing awkwardly, looking around Gilbert's meagre apartment. He didn't seem surprised by his old friend's taste in decor.

Gilbert cut straight to it. "You said there was something important?"

Alfred took on an air of professionalism that Gilbert had never seen on the other before. "Why haven't you checked in with us in over a week?"

Gilbert was shocked. "Wait. _We_?"

Alfred nodded, crossing his arms. "Yes, we. I work for YW and you have not sent any of your data since last Tuesday. It has been eight days since you last reported to work and you have been ignoring all of our calls."

"Wait, wait." Gilbert stopped him, "You _work_ for YW?"

Alfred rolled his eyes, all traces of the boy he had met in college gone. "Yes. I specialize in undercover work, but, when they learned that I knew you, they asked if I would be the one to come check up on you."

Gilbert blinked slowly, taking the information in. The next words that came out of his mouth he didn't even think about, "Does Matthew know?"

Alfred paused and for a flash Gilbert could see the old Alfred behind this new persona. He looked caught and unsure. Quickly, he looked away.

"Why have you lost communication throughout the week?" He repeated, avoiding the question. Gilbert thought that was suspicious, but answered anyway.

"I believe someone is on to me. I received a warning about a virus on my computer that proved to be false upon further investigation. I believed it to be a Trojan and immediately downloaded all of my research off of the hard drive. My coworker, this guy named Arthur who's in the cubicle next to mine, was out of work the day it happened. I think it might be him. I think he's been hacking my computer - maybe even taking information."

Alfred looked troubled. "That isn't good, man." He frowned, "But there's no way you can do anything about it from here."

"What?"

"You have to go back, Gilbert. You have to carry out your work. And you have to keep an eye on this Arthur guy. I'm sorry, but you want to continue with this job, don't you? You gotta go back."

Gilbert only nodded his head. He had expected as much. "But what if he finds out more? I have no way to know what he takes or views. He could know anything, though I still don't know how he bypasses all of my walls."

"I don't know what to tell you, Gilbert, but you need to figure it out. Would you rather us take you out?" Alfred paused for a beat and his words sunk like a stone in Gilbert's gut. "We aren't forcing you to do anything here. You agreed of your own free will. You're in, but you can still get out. It will be difficult, but you can get out."

Gilbert shook his head vigorously. "No. I'm not leaving. You're right; I choose to do this and I'm not backing out now. Not when things get a little tough." Gilbert gave a cocky grin, "I won't be scared away so easily."

Alfred grinned at that. "Now there's the Gilbert I know!" He smacked him encouragingly on the back.

Gilbert nodded, his grin a little less sure, but appreciative of Alfred's encouragement all the same.

"So, you'll be going back?" Alfred asked.

This was it. The response that could turn his whole life upside down. When he answered there could be no going back. He felt like he was looking at the gates of hell. Dante echoed in his head.

 _'Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here'_

Then, Gilbert stiffened his lip and leveled his head and shoulders, staring directly into Alfred's excited blue eyes.

"I'm going back."


End file.
